Old People and Speed Limits

These are two naturally occurring things in America. Ok, fine, I can accept both of them.  However...

Why the hell do the old people have to drive 10 MPH in a 50MPH when I am late for work??

Any other day of the week they are freaking Mario Andretti  in a parking lot learning to drift around the errantly placed shopping carts and dozens of seagulls looking for even a  modicum of a morsel.

Old people don't be offended, I loves ya.  you can teach us younger morons a lot, and mostly, you are nicer than we are...but don't expect forgiveness because of these facts.

Situation: (fictional...mostly)
Old guy driving 10MPH in a 50MPH zone..in the biggest damn car he could find at the car lot to be sure he cannot see over the dashboard without a pizza hut booster seat and a wool shoulder strap on the seatbelt so that it doesn't cut into his chest at an odd angle because of the booster seat.

I am late, not overly, but if I don't pick up the pace a tad I will be late.  Keeping in mind I do not speed, I usually leave the house with plenty of time to spare and get there easily 15 minutes in advance.  There is just nowhere I have to be in that big of a hurry.

I am not saying to speed, by no means, but damn dude, drive a tad faster?  Yes I know just because it says 50 doesn't mean you have to go 50, but it doesn't mean your land yacht can't use the other outboard motor as well and get up to say...40? 45?  Oh nooo, it's 10 for you, 10 is fast enough thank you.  One day you will meet someone that has had enough, not I naturally, but some joe-bob redneck with a jacked up truck, gun rack in the back windows and beer cans super-glued to his rims because they make a neat-o whistling noise as he drives faster than 10MPH. he is going to be pissed because he can't head his cans whine.  I don't wanna hear it, you have been warned. ( and no I have no idea if the beer can thing would work or not, but in reference to that idea...if the wind crossing the opening were placed at the correct angle, i would guess it would be like blowing across the top of a beer bottle o.O  )...great, now I have to try that one day...

Anyways...moral of this is...
Use the gas pedal, you have one, I know you do and I am pretty sure I know you know where it is....



OH! I just figured out why you drive the way you do.  You are so damn short and raised up from the booster seat that your feet can't reach the gas pedal.  There are 2 solutions for you:

1.)  Get controls put on the steering wheel like some handicapped people use.  Awesome inventions and they work very well.

2.)  Take your car to the mechanic and have your engine idle turned up to roughly 6000 RPM then drop her into drive and watch her go!